In a Snap of a Finger

oh who could have thought that i will get a boyfriend in korea!

actually, the thought of having a boyfriend after graduation has been playing in my mind on my final year in the university

i am really excited back then to get into a relationship.

i have actually set standards though i hate to admit it..

i wanted that my first boyfriend would be my last, that he should be intelligent, he should be active in church or in any organization..and a whole lot more..

it's is crazy to think about those days..

we will surely never know when we will fall in love and with whom..

in love, everything's unpredictable

in my case, though i am looking forward to have a boyfriend,i did not expect this soon, in here, and with a korean..

it is maybe just me who is making a big fuss about this..

before i answered him, the differences in our respective cultures was my primary concern.come to think of it, we are faced with so many differences but just the thought that love can help us pull through all those, i put myself into it.

answering him was one of the hardest decisions in my life..

it is not because i am not into him.. it was not a question of my feelings for him but it is more of my fears..

i am afraid of so many things,

i was so concerned of the feedbacks from other people seeing us together..

i am afraid that the relationship will not last since sooner or later i have to be back in the philipppines..

i am haunted by the thoughts of those standards i set before..

i am afraid to get hurt, i am uncertain if this is worth risking..

it's as if i am thinking that, i am like a businessman who is investing into something that i know will not last anyway..

i was so negative from the start..

nothing has started yet and here i am already thinking of not really good thoughts!!!

talking these concerns with my friends here made it more easier for me to cope..

i have learned that i should give myself a chance to be happy and that for once, i should learn how to set aside those irrational thoughts i have and those concerns regarding others' opinions..

for when i am happy, people always have something to say

and same is true when i am sad.. so why not choose to be happy instead?

loving is the most inspiring and rewarding act

but it can also be the most anxiety-ridden act if we reflect love in a way how others are expecting us to show it to our partner.

we all deserve to be happy and we are capable of creating our own happiness and also we have the capacity to create happiness in others.

i do not know exactly where would this relationship bring me,

i do not want to steal the happiness rightfully deserved by myself for the time-being

i have been thinking so much and sadly those were actually impertinent ones, well infact all i have to do is to love.



to all my friends who saw me giggle, smile, anxious, laugh, cry

thanks a bunch! i love you all and i owe you big time!