I'm Torn

though i know that making a decision has been as casual and mundane as drinking water, i am still afraid of what might a single decision can bring to my life..

come to think of it, we make decisions almost every second of our lives,

and actually most of those are too simple that we do not even regard it as real decisions

we have misconstrued our acts as just acts rather than naming it as decision-making.

we then claim that the acts rightfully called decision making are solely the ones that involve so much.. those connote huge stakes or give us big breaks..

whatever that is that we are thinking, decisions and the act of arriving to one of those are very essential in our lives..

there is no simple nor complicated decision

and also

there is no right nor wrong decision

for

one way or another, we would find ourselves being hooked up into something that was unexpected, something unforeseen..

that is why, whichever way we go, whatever path we have journeyed, whatever decision we have followed...there will always be a flaw or worse, flaws!

so why then, why make big fuss in coming up with a "right" decision well in fact there is not even a wrong one?

hmmm.. actually this is just what i believed in..

this may not be in accord to your beliefs..

nevertheless, i still raise such a point..

why? why we spend sleepless nights thinking of a sound decision,

why do we devote so much time to figure out the pros and cons?

why are we already thinking of the possible consequences..which in most cases we exaggerate those..thereby inflicting our very selves the fears which in the first place not worth entertaining..

why do we become anxious?

and why do we always consider others expectations when we make a decision that concerns ourselves?

will they faithfully share with us the pangs of consequences?

will they, in any way understand us if we fail?

these are just some things i used to ask myself and up until now i am clueless~~~ that despite all that i have realized from my experiences in life, that despite the fact that i have learned in Psychology that we are powerful for we can make decisions on our own, that despite the thought that i lead a different life from the others: that i am unique and we all are...that despite the belief that there is no right nor wrong decision------

i am still haunted by the reality that a single decision can make or break me and that i am so preoccupied by that thought that i can hardly make one for myself..

the decision i meant is not as easy as whether i will drink water or not..

it is like choosing only one flavor of ice cream from a dozen array of my favorites.. :'(