Is It a Must to be Happy?

there will come a time when we question ourselves, “is it a must to be happy?”

usually this is raised when we weigh things concerning our work or relationship


yes, when we think whether we should stay or leave; whether we continue or let go..


reality and practicality set in


fulfilling our dreams is sure way to make us happy but sometimes, we just have to let go of those because where we are seem to be already good.


for some, they are trying to make themselves believe that they are already happy with who they are, what they have and where they are.


it’s there life anyway.

as for me, i am trying to hold on, i am trying to get by with what life hands me.

i am now toying the idea that happiness is not a must afterall.

say when you are working, it doesn’t matter whether you are happy with it or not so long as you know how to be happy with it, then off you go grab it.

most of the time, what matters is the compensation not the level of happiness you have with your work

well i guess happiness will just folllow when you have money.

i cannot believe i am saying this!

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That's Life

We do not always get what we deserve..

let us face it, even how hard we try to do things well, sometimes we do not achieve results that compensate with the efforts we had shed.

there are also instances when we have committed something unintetionally or we might have done things that were back up with the purest of our intentions and it turned out to be 360-degree different from the outcome that we have expected..

it is just disheartening to think deeply of those circumstances..

very heart piercing, so frustrating and more often we feel that we wanted to give in and shun ourselves from the world especially from those people who have betrayed us, from those people who have ruined our dreams, from those people who stripped us from what we have at present, from those people who doubted us, from those people who have accused us falsely, from those who have thought the worst from us, from those people who cannot just be happy for us, from those people who are always keeping track of our downfall..

life has never been fair indeed..

i always hear this passage: "everything happens for a reason"

i agree..

but let me add to that.

there's always a cause for the existence of every single thing and its results always have reasons..

it is just sad to note that most people feel that the lot in life they are going through is not the lot they deserve.. that in the case where one has committed wrong against somebody; the former gets to experience absurd consequences to the nth level as far as the created impact is concerned

yes, again we say..life is unfair! when was life fair anyway?

i mourn for those who cry for experiencing the life they ought not to have.

"life is indeed unfair!"

there are just so many personal experiences that can attest to that..

nevertheless, i do not blame God at all..

for afterall, it has never been his fault..

what we have experienced, what we are experiencing and what we will experience, truly may not be of our full making and those are not the lot we have desired for our very selves but in a way we are partly to be blamed.. and maybe a part of which are the people around..

life goes on.. it ought to be..

and before i end this..

i refute what i used to think and what i usually hear from others that the Almighty or life is unfair..

indeed, God is not at all unfair nor life itself..

i just realized that..

it is us---humans afterall, that make life unfair..

we just contrued life and God to be unfair..

see how unfair we can get?

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In a Snap of a Finger

oh who could have thought that i will get a boyfriend in korea!

actually, the thought of having a boyfriend after graduation has been playing in my mind on my final year in the university

i am really excited back then to get into a relationship.

i have actually set standards though i hate to admit it..

i wanted that my first boyfriend would be my last, that he should be intelligent, he should be active in church or in any organization..and a whole lot more..

it's is crazy to think about those days..

we will surely never know when we will fall in love and with whom..

in love, everything's unpredictable

in my case, though i am looking forward to have a boyfriend,i did not expect this soon, in here, and with a korean..

it is maybe just me who is making a big fuss about this..

before i answered him, the differences in our respective cultures was my primary concern.come to think of it, we are faced with so many differences but just the thought that love can help us pull through all those, i put myself into it.

answering him was one of the hardest decisions in my life..

it is not because i am not into him.. it was not a question of my feelings for him but it is more of my fears..

i am afraid of so many things,

i was so concerned of the feedbacks from other people seeing us together..

i am afraid that the relationship will not last since sooner or later i have to be back in the philipppines..

i am haunted by the thoughts of those standards i set before..

i am afraid to get hurt, i am uncertain if this is worth risking..

it's as if i am thinking that, i am like a businessman who is investing into something that i know will not last anyway..

i was so negative from the start..

nothing has started yet and here i am already thinking of not really good thoughts!!!

talking these concerns with my friends here made it more easier for me to cope..

i have learned that i should give myself a chance to be happy and that for once, i should learn how to set aside those irrational thoughts i have and those concerns regarding others' opinions..

for when i am happy, people always have something to say

and same is true when i am sad.. so why not choose to be happy instead?

loving is the most inspiring and rewarding act

but it can also be the most anxiety-ridden act if we reflect love in a way how others are expecting us to show it to our partner.

we all deserve to be happy and we are capable of creating our own happiness and also we have the capacity to create happiness in others.

i do not know exactly where would this relationship bring me,

i do not want to steal the happiness rightfully deserved by myself for the time-being

i have been thinking so much and sadly those were actually impertinent ones, well infact all i have to do is to love.



to all my friends who saw me giggle, smile, anxious, laugh, cry

thanks a bunch! i love you all and i owe you big time!

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I'm Torn

though i know that making a decision has been as casual and mundane as drinking water, i am still afraid of what might a single decision can bring to my life..

come to think of it, we make decisions almost every second of our lives,

and actually most of those are too simple that we do not even regard it as real decisions

we have misconstrued our acts as just acts rather than naming it as decision-making.

we then claim that the acts rightfully called decision making are solely the ones that involve so much.. those connote huge stakes or give us big breaks..

whatever that is that we are thinking, decisions and the act of arriving to one of those are very essential in our lives..

there is no simple nor complicated decision

and also

there is no right nor wrong decision

for

one way or another, we would find ourselves being hooked up into something that was unexpected, something unforeseen..

that is why, whichever way we go, whatever path we have journeyed, whatever decision we have followed...there will always be a flaw or worse, flaws!

so why then, why make big fuss in coming up with a "right" decision well in fact there is not even a wrong one?

hmmm.. actually this is just what i believed in..

this may not be in accord to your beliefs..

nevertheless, i still raise such a point..

why? why we spend sleepless nights thinking of a sound decision,

why do we devote so much time to figure out the pros and cons?

why are we already thinking of the possible consequences..which in most cases we exaggerate those..thereby inflicting our very selves the fears which in the first place not worth entertaining..

why do we become anxious?

and why do we always consider others expectations when we make a decision that concerns ourselves?

will they faithfully share with us the pangs of consequences?

will they, in any way understand us if we fail?

these are just some things i used to ask myself and up until now i am clueless~~~ that despite all that i have realized from my experiences in life, that despite the fact that i have learned in Psychology that we are powerful for we can make decisions on our own, that despite the thought that i lead a different life from the others: that i am unique and we all are...that despite the belief that there is no right nor wrong decision------

i am still haunted by the reality that a single decision can make or break me and that i am so preoccupied by that thought that i can hardly make one for myself..

the decision i meant is not as easy as whether i will drink water or not..

it is like choosing only one flavor of ice cream from a dozen array of my favorites.. :'(

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A Year or Two Wont Hurt

I have finally decided not to go home yet for i have to finish some things here..

these are crucial things that concern my future..

few months back, it is as if i wanted to go home the soonest possible time i can..

i was crying my heart out to my roommate when she was consoling me with the thought that the seven months left for us to wait is not that long...during that time i screamed with all my heart out with this ...."BUT SEVEN MONTHS IS SO LOOOOOOOOOOOOONNGGG!!!"

funny indeed to think about that instance when i was acting like a kid, crying so hard and desperately for during that time homesickness was truly unbearable for me!

indeed, come to think of it, seven months is surely a long time for me. though a lot of people will contend that these days, time flies. oh well at some point i agree to that..i sometimes get to catch myself saying such..

so now, we only have two months left since the time i had that burst of emotions. and those five months that had passed changed so many things about me, about my life.

i can hardly believe that last week, when everyone was jotting the final schedule of departure for philippines, i was the only one who did not write any date for i have made up my mind to stay..

actually the ticket is free and so i do not have to worry on how to go home but on the practical side, i chose not to for i do not want to be bothered by the thought on how to come back here to finish and pursue some things that will surely be of essential part in my life in the near future..

i chose to continue studying here..

opportunities are coming and they are too favorable for me to resist

i am hitting the iron while it is hot!

surely i miss my family

i miss my friends too

i miss those responsibilities given to me back home

i also miss our native food

inasmuch as i want to go back home, i cannot for the time-being

i guess i have matured enough to apply the art of weighing the practicality of things..

i guess i am just confident enough that no matter how long will i stay here, those people i love and love me will constantly be there supporting whatever endeavor i chose and will choose..

i guess i trust and i believe enough that God will unceasingly bless those people i care for back home and also unceasingly look after me here

i guess i am hopeful enough that this decision will make me a better individual who is not only good for herself but for others.



clouds are still surely in my thoughts

come to think of it, no one is certain of what the future holds

right now, i am continuously discerning

i am not afraid to commit mistakes for we are all bound to do so..

what i am doing right now is psyching up myself to believe in what decision i have arrived into..

i can do this!

i can make this through!

Almighty, hear my prayers! :)

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