Why Resign?

“How come you left your work when that is the kind of work you’ve hoped for?” I was struck by such a question posed to me by a friend. I paused for a while and instead of answering his question, I pretended not to have heard it and true enough, I was able to divert our attention to something.

As I went home, I still pondered on it. I want to believe that I made the right decision. And I want to just affirm what I emailed my friends; I felt relief upon finally coming up with a decision of not having to extend anymore and eventually quit my full time work.

As I examine the kind of responses I have for a number of questions concerning this matter, I have learned that I have kept so many fears with the decision I have made recently. I have acknowledged that my desire to help transcends beyond my job. More so, I firmly believe that if one has the desire to help, one can just deliver regardless of time, place and nature of job he is in.

True, it would take me sometime to land a job like what I had. The resources are there and we just need to come up with a scheme to carry it out efficiently to the people. The system is already in place and is just open to some modifications. Who wouldn’t want to engage to a job that has noble cause, touches many lives, allows much learning and returns a thousand or more bliss!?

But then again, I console myself with the mental note that I made a sound decision. No doubt I love my work but my love for it is never enough to convince me to drop law school. At some point I questioned myself which was wrong, is it the nature of my job or the nature of law school? But I ended up pointing my finger to none of the two but to myself. I guess it is a big issue that I lack the skill of time management. Both of which demand so much of me, again I want to believe that to some extent each exhausts everything of me. And there is no way but to accept, even how ego-bruising it might be, that I am no wonder woman, i am not good at multitasking and I can only do so much! Finally, I have gathered enough humility to accept that fact and come up with a decision to drop something from the two of what I value.

This is actually by far the most difficult decision-making I went through. There are episodes of slight regrets but I feel those are just but normal especially when you have not yet reaped the rewards of the choice that prevailed. It will take time for me to finally let go of what I had and it will take time too for me to eventually let go of the “what ifs” had I chosen to pursue my career.

There is a bunch of volunteer works I could engage into. Again, helping others is more fulfilling especially when you do it without an institution or company having to pay for your time and effort in doing such. To gain peace of mind, I thought that, there is no perfect or flawless decision. It is basically in us to put justice to what we have chosen. I do not pray that the decision I made will be right but I pray for the right attitude to make my choice the best one.