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happy father's day to all the fathers out there, especially to my brother - toto mark and of course papa bert :)
sharing with you the blog i wrote almost three years ago, culling it out and post it here as i give honor to my papa on the ocassion of Father's day! :)
Lessons from my father
October 1st, 2008 by maloueudela
Although I can say that this year has brought us so much bliss in the family,
still in the light of my personal experiences, I have regarded this year as such a crucial and crises-ridden one
There had been so much plans that were not realized under my timetable
Those were not easy for me to accept
I have gotten myself to some acute frustration attacks, mostly known and kept just within me
There were times that future seems so vague, so blurry
I even reached the point where I do not exactly know where to pick up myself and what is worse is, if ever I already have the courage to successfully put the broken pieces back, I sincerely do not know to which direction of life will I bring myself to.
I am dumbfounded with the turn of events
I cannot just stay at the side, try to console myself with the thought that,
“malou, everything happens for a reason.”
Or
“malou, worry not, jinx won’t last because everything will come to pass”
At some point, I must admit that those statements do have certain reassuring and lifting emotional impacts, however if it is a fact that everything will come to pass, its effects to my emotional senses too do last.
I cannot just sustain myself with those
Whether I like it or not, I have to bring myself up to face the certain predicament I am into
I am so baffled.
Not in my wildest dreams have I thought that I will be at this crossroad where no single option is ever clear to me.
I cannot then help but to seek those old days when I get to share with my father the simplest and mundane things I do .
I believe that he has always that wisdom that has the capacity to shed light to the seemingly dim place I am in.
After hearing me out, he has shared valuable points that have urged me to develop a different perspective.
He shared that it is but normal for me to go through tough times in reaching my aspirations for there is sure no short-cut way to reach a dream. I have to at least start from scratches and work my way wherever that dream is.
He then pointed out my issue of having this some sort of bruised ego for still asking money from him sometimes. His explanation towards it was: “do you think I would be glad if you are not asking any amount from me anymore? Do you think I will be happy knowing that you can handle it all, letting me feel that you are in total control of your life? Of course I am not at all happy. I am your father and it is always a pleasure on my part to be of help to you.”
When I heard that, I was truly overwhelmed.
My heart leaps for a matter of seconds but after which, I aired some of my points.
I told him that we are coming from different perspectives. He is a father who wants to show his being father through support in all aspects. A father who takes pride in giving his child financial aid to whatever expenses his child incurs.
And I am a daughter who wants to show my being responsible daughter. And I define “responsible daughter” as somebody who extends some amount to cover finances in the family, somebody who has gotten herself a degree and is already able to realize her dreams thereby making her family proud of her.
And more than that, I am somebody who has the ego not to depend much from others.
Yes, he has never put pressure on me. He has been there through and through. I can sense that he sees a bright future in me only if I know how to take things one step at a time. That is what he used to emphasize to me; in life we have to grasp things at a certain pace and at a specific point of time. Surely, we cannot have everything at the same time.
The next point he really wanted to convey to me was: “work not for compensation but for the happiness and fulfillment that the work can bring you.” I have to thank him for reminding what I have really longed to be doing. Yes, at the age where I am not super pressured by financial dues to be met unlike those with families already, I guess I am in the position to make decisions that will lead me to a work that will give me fulfillment over anything. To be plain honest, that statement I have mentioned sounds ironic to me.
Young? I should find work that earns a lot so that I can address my whims and avoid the possible occurrence of psychological term “fixation” over certain things or stage in my life. I might end up feeling bitter for having let the time passed without having fully enjoyed the great time I ought to spend. I do not have commitments on a romantic note yet, that is why I have to grab the chance to save a lot for my future family and what better way to it is through having a high-paying job regardless of the level of satisfaction I get out of it.
Whatever it is, whether when is the right time to be engaged in the job that gives fulfillment more than any monetary gain, I do not know. What I just believe to be true is, the more one grows in age, his priority changes. What holds true few years back can possibly be altered at present.
He also expressed to me that I just have to stay within my comfort zone for the time being. With that, I still have mixed emotions, I want to explore the world and frankly there is this part of me that doesn’t have the drive to do so. Papa told me that in time, I surely need to step outside my comfort zone but he believes that the best time is not yet now. I am in a way feeling bad about it for just when I thought I am old enough to independently face any hurdles of life, he made me realize that it is not completely true for he has even doubts as to whether I can do it at THIS time.
And of all the lessons I have learned from him, what holds most valuable is the faith he has with God. He keeps on reminding me to trust in God’s ways and always pray for guidance. I cling to what he believes which goes - 'God has better plans for us all. We all have to pray for it and wait for it to pour on us.'
In times like this, nothing can best give me peace other than my father’s faith in God. This may not hold true to others but at least it does with me. And I will always be thankful to my parents especially to my father for imparting such a wonderful gift to me, the gift of faith that I will eternally cherish.
Although faith alone cannot bring me to my personal dreams but when it’s coupled with actions, surely in few years time I will be seeing myself just where I exactly longed it to be.
And believe me when I say… I cannot just simply wait for it to come! (Now, patience here is my issue.)
Papa with the rest in family after a despedida party for me :)
sharing with you the blog i wrote almost three years ago, culling it out and post it here as i give honor to my papa on the ocassion of Father's day! :)
Lessons from my father
October 1st, 2008 by maloueudela
Although I can say that this year has brought us so much bliss in the family,
still in the light of my personal experiences, I have regarded this year as such a crucial and crises-ridden one
There had been so much plans that were not realized under my timetable
Those were not easy for me to accept
I have gotten myself to some acute frustration attacks, mostly known and kept just within me
There were times that future seems so vague, so blurry
I even reached the point where I do not exactly know where to pick up myself and what is worse is, if ever I already have the courage to successfully put the broken pieces back, I sincerely do not know to which direction of life will I bring myself to.
I am dumbfounded with the turn of events
I cannot just stay at the side, try to console myself with the thought that,
“malou, everything happens for a reason.”
Or
“malou, worry not, jinx won’t last because everything will come to pass”
At some point, I must admit that those statements do have certain reassuring and lifting emotional impacts, however if it is a fact that everything will come to pass, its effects to my emotional senses too do last.
I cannot just sustain myself with those
Whether I like it or not, I have to bring myself up to face the certain predicament I am into
I am so baffled.
Not in my wildest dreams have I thought that I will be at this crossroad where no single option is ever clear to me.
I cannot then help but to seek those old days when I get to share with my father the simplest and mundane things I do .
I believe that he has always that wisdom that has the capacity to shed light to the seemingly dim place I am in.
After hearing me out, he has shared valuable points that have urged me to develop a different perspective.
He shared that it is but normal for me to go through tough times in reaching my aspirations for there is sure no short-cut way to reach a dream. I have to at least start from scratches and work my way wherever that dream is.
He then pointed out my issue of having this some sort of bruised ego for still asking money from him sometimes. His explanation towards it was: “do you think I would be glad if you are not asking any amount from me anymore? Do you think I will be happy knowing that you can handle it all, letting me feel that you are in total control of your life? Of course I am not at all happy. I am your father and it is always a pleasure on my part to be of help to you.”
When I heard that, I was truly overwhelmed.
My heart leaps for a matter of seconds but after which, I aired some of my points.
I told him that we are coming from different perspectives. He is a father who wants to show his being father through support in all aspects. A father who takes pride in giving his child financial aid to whatever expenses his child incurs.
And I am a daughter who wants to show my being responsible daughter. And I define “responsible daughter” as somebody who extends some amount to cover finances in the family, somebody who has gotten herself a degree and is already able to realize her dreams thereby making her family proud of her.
And more than that, I am somebody who has the ego not to depend much from others.
Yes, he has never put pressure on me. He has been there through and through. I can sense that he sees a bright future in me only if I know how to take things one step at a time. That is what he used to emphasize to me; in life we have to grasp things at a certain pace and at a specific point of time. Surely, we cannot have everything at the same time.
The next point he really wanted to convey to me was: “work not for compensation but for the happiness and fulfillment that the work can bring you.” I have to thank him for reminding what I have really longed to be doing. Yes, at the age where I am not super pressured by financial dues to be met unlike those with families already, I guess I am in the position to make decisions that will lead me to a work that will give me fulfillment over anything. To be plain honest, that statement I have mentioned sounds ironic to me.
Young? I should find work that earns a lot so that I can address my whims and avoid the possible occurrence of psychological term “fixation” over certain things or stage in my life. I might end up feeling bitter for having let the time passed without having fully enjoyed the great time I ought to spend. I do not have commitments on a romantic note yet, that is why I have to grab the chance to save a lot for my future family and what better way to it is through having a high-paying job regardless of the level of satisfaction I get out of it.
Whatever it is, whether when is the right time to be engaged in the job that gives fulfillment more than any monetary gain, I do not know. What I just believe to be true is, the more one grows in age, his priority changes. What holds true few years back can possibly be altered at present.
He also expressed to me that I just have to stay within my comfort zone for the time being. With that, I still have mixed emotions, I want to explore the world and frankly there is this part of me that doesn’t have the drive to do so. Papa told me that in time, I surely need to step outside my comfort zone but he believes that the best time is not yet now. I am in a way feeling bad about it for just when I thought I am old enough to independently face any hurdles of life, he made me realize that it is not completely true for he has even doubts as to whether I can do it at THIS time.
And of all the lessons I have learned from him, what holds most valuable is the faith he has with God. He keeps on reminding me to trust in God’s ways and always pray for guidance. I cling to what he believes which goes - 'God has better plans for us all. We all have to pray for it and wait for it to pour on us.'
In times like this, nothing can best give me peace other than my father’s faith in God. This may not hold true to others but at least it does with me. And I will always be thankful to my parents especially to my father for imparting such a wonderful gift to me, the gift of faith that I will eternally cherish.
Although faith alone cannot bring me to my personal dreams but when it’s coupled with actions, surely in few years time I will be seeing myself just where I exactly longed it to be.
And believe me when I say… I cannot just simply wait for it to come! (Now, patience here is my issue.)
Papa with the rest in family after a despedida party for me :)
