26 Things I Hate About Myself

these are the things or i'd better say attitudes that i do not like about myself.

1. i am a procrastinator. if there are chances to delay things, i usually resort to it. i hate pali-pali system (koreans way of doing things). as much as possible i do not want to rush things. i am taking my sweet time on what i am up to.

2. i am talkative, noisy, loud or whatever and however you make call it. once i talk there is no stopping.. i always take the floor from others.. it's as if i never had the chance to speak or talk before.. which actually isn't true.. since i was young~~~i have been so bubbly or shall i say.. terribly loud!!

3. i am scatter-brained. i cannot simply organize my thoughts. it gets to annoying sometimes to listen to me when you do not know what i am trying to point out.. i mean, what's the point malou?

4.i am too idealistic. i live with the ideal. most of the time, it drives me frustrated. i know, but i cannot simply compromise what i believe should be done.

5. i am closed-minded at times. once i believe that what i am asserting is right, i don't have time to listen to what others are saying.

6. i fret too much over nothing. i am taking things seriously when i should not be in the first place.

7. i do not know how to listen.. maybe simply because i talk much.

8. i am terribly mean when provoked. first few offenses on me, i'll understand...the next time around, expect the worst from me.

9. i usually give the benefit of the doubt to others, thereby giving most of the people a chance to cheat on me.

10. i always think that all the people are innately good, well infact, some are really not! i continue to bank on this and i continue to get disappointed on the realities that are unfolding everyday.

11. i am assuming. i get to give color to what is supposed to be a black and white act. you know it!!needless to explain.

12. i have self-inflicted pressures. i don't have to do this or that actually, but i just program in my mind that i have to do it. in psychology--we call it irtrational thoughts. :)

13. i am a cry baby. i cry hard!

14. i am also naive when i am already fed up and stressed with so many things.. i care not anymore on what others are feeling or showing.

15. i am inferior. i feel that i'll never be good enough compared to others.

16. i am impulsive buyer, an extravagant. when i feel spending, shocks! i just simply spend without considering what lies ahead on rainy days.

17. i am not organize when it come to my things. what a messy place i got.

18. i have so many unreasonalbe guilt feelings. when i see people who are on the streets or those people who are in need on tv, i feel guilty. it's as if i have the responsibility on them. oh well, we have responsibilities to others but not the responsibility to solve their problems or lot in life.

19. i am sleepyhead. i'd rather sleep than do productive things.

20. when i read the book, i am compelled to look at the last few pages so that i'd know the ending. in short, i have also issue about patience.

21. i am pretentious. even if you hurt me, even if i do not like you..i'll act as if we are really great friends!!! oh well, shall i say-i am just being civil?

22. i am a liar. even if i am not ok, i'd say i am! sometimes, i am not transparent of what i really feel within. just not to bother other people (as if they care) :) bitter?

23. i am too harsh and hard on myself. even me cannot just get it.

24. i easily forget other people's names.whew!! i really feel embarrassedon occassions when people would say hi to me and i do not even know their names.

25. i exaggerate and sensationalize things. simple things are packaged in more colorful way.

26. i am not appreciative of the kind of person i am. just look what have i done now.. coming up with a blog that speaks my bad side than keeping note of what's good in me. now with a long list of "attitudes i don't like about myself", i am asking myself now..is there good left about me? :)

God bless me and everybody!!

worry not, i am resolved to the fact that everyone has something good to contribute in this world, regardless of how small or big it may be..

i am one of that "everyone"..ergo, i have something good to offer to this world.

afterall, i am a good girl. i was brought up to be that way. and a number can attest to that..ok, that's my point :)

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Kids

it's been almost a month now that i have been exposed in-depth with children who are studying..

before, i just deal with kids for quite a short time..most of which, i see them really enjoying, so carefree, energetic and the like..

however, this experience i have lately, exposed me to their other side..other side which is not that so foreign idea to me..i used to encounter these behaviors in books and some in real passing encounters with them..

when i get to see kids, it seems that i am giggling inside because there are just something distict in them that drives me to be like that!!! actually i cannot fathom why..hehehe

so here it goes, my experience now is like changing a bit my fondness in them..

these days, there are times when i just want to yell at them so that they will pay attention with me..

i just want but i really don't..

ok, sometimes my voice gets to be a liitle bit louder but definitely i do not yell.. am i defensive?

i know that their attention span towards things is so limited, so short!

and inasmuch as i want to understand it, i just cannot always think about it as my reason not to impress on them things that they ought to know.. in my case, the lessons we have this summer vacation..(yeah, it is summer vacation here now)

i am their teacher and i ought to teach them.. i am pressured by the expectations of those who hired me..

but come to think of it~~~ what if they are not interested? will i force them to learn? i do not believe in the learning founded by force.. learning is an option and it is always better if it is done out of one's freewill..

at the back of my mind, when kids want to play--let them be.

do not steal their childhood from them.. they are too young to be pressured but what society expects to be good.. they really don't have to be brilliant, they just need to learn how to use their common sense..the most important thing is-they should learn how to be practical thinkers..you see, society became chaotic because of too many brilliant and impractical people..

gee!!! kids, kids, kids..

they are mild yet stubborn,

they are enthusiastic yet easily gets bored

they are innocent yet crazy

they are a bunch of ironic pretty worth-noticing gifts from heaven!:)

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Pot of Gold In Abroad

hmmmmmmm..

it was only then when i am already here abroad that i realized the true lot of most of the OFW's

life abroad is never easy than what others have thought it to be

one thing i dislike about us wayback home is the attitude of being demanding and demanding and demanding!

that is what we are!!!

that is how we act!!!

it's as if that when an immediate family member or a relative of ours had gone abroad, they're turned into an instant genies from where we unceasingly ask our flooding favors..like: to buy us with this or to send us with that or to deposit money of this much!!!

i feel for those OFW's whose families in the philippines do no have anything to do but to extravagantly spend what they are earning here.. salary here is surely relatively higher than what's earned in the country but it does not mean that the nature of work here is easier!!

to whom more is given more is expected and even worse is, more risks are involved..i often hear from announcements after mass, stories of fellow filipino's accidents.. some lost their fingers because of the machine they operate/handle in the factory and some even got insane..

just imagine life being far from family? the opportunity cost seemed to be alluring but it is not always the case..

i have also known some others who intentionally miss one of their meals in a day just to save for their family back home..some even say that their family still clamor with the amount they send in the philippines! again can you imagine that?!!!???



i did not go out abroad to work unlike others,

i am here to study..

these things i have shared may not be the exact experiences i have here but i bet i can relate to some of which..

i am deeply thankful for the family i have..

so far they are not demanding (oh well, they knew i'll study here) :)

--------

i can relate to the stuggles of homesickness and being away from the comforts of our home and of that so-called family within reach..

i am also skipping some meals..because i have to save for the possible rainy days..my family is not that easy to bother, or maybe it is just me who is thinking that way.. well, i do not want to bother them, that is the very reason why everytime i am asked by my parents "are you ok?", i've got a consistent answer.."yes, i am ok", even the fact is.. i am not.:'(

and i am so damn tired of those people who think that we are leading a great life because we are basically in abroad!!! who said so? ok, i cannot and i am not in the position to generalize but most likely it is not true!!

that is maybe one notion or stereotyoe we have to change..

life abroad is not that rewarding in the truest sense of the word..you are away with your family, and it is so hard to long for them almost everyday..again, it depends on one's values and priorities..

actually the place does not matter but your perspective and choices do!! so wherever you are in the philippines, you can make things happen.. money, if that is what you are after for is not only abroad..actually we have it there..

and finally my point is, especially to those people who are exhausting much (materially/financially) from those loved ones who are abroad..may you guys learn how to tone down with your demands!!! give them a break even for once..they are also humans like you who feel tired and who deserve to be happy..

kudos ofw's!!! :)

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Golden Rule I Know

respect begets respect..
basically life is how you make it..
life is how you deal with it..
life is good to those who are good to it..

whatever you give, you will receive..
it may not be in the exact package but definitely something will come back to you after giving out something..


if you show rudeness.. rudeness in its other form will come to you..
some people are expecting so much from others...
they have that complete idea on how should people act for them..
shocks! they even failed to give damn time to iron things out concerning themselves..

i am not a preacher here and mind you, i do not aspire to be one..
i am not acting like too sure here..
but based on how i see what is upright and what is not..
i bet one should first start that "change" within himself before minding others' business..

some are just too narrow-minded to just dwell in their shallow "ideals"...
some are too sure of themselves, thinking that they are the only persons in the world who make sense..

excuse me.. may i.. oh well, may i just tell you... even the most brilliant person in the world does not make sense sometimes..

God bless!

adios!

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Teardrop

The last teardrop was shed for the person i have been fond of lately...
up until now, i still say that i am not inlove with him...
hey i just like him..
it will truly be crazy to blame him for all that i feel right now...
i feel pain... i am hurt
but i clearly know that it is because i chose this feeling..
from the very start, i know i will take risks in this pursuit for love
i have finally accepted that he is not into me
he is just sweet..extermely sweet maybe...
he is just kind and caring..
i should not have gotten myself to dream on beyond his mundane acts
ouch!!! ouch!!! ouch!!!



now i find myself hurting..
i now ask myself a very simple question.. "why did you hope?"
i have hoped simply because i like the person..
you see, i so look forward to build beautiful days with him...
when you have found reasons in liking or loving the person--those are really difficult to get rid from your system..
again, this is another sad lot in my love life..hahaha
when will the right stroke of blessing in my lovelife come?


as what my friend said...the guy must be damn lucky because in a way i shed some tears for him..
even me cannot believe that i have shed tears for a man..
it is not very "malou"
i remember wayback high school, i told my classmates not to shed even a single tear for a guy..
it will be such a shame on our part..
look who is talking??? i eventually did!!!hahaha
if shedding tears will be a way to wash away the hurts i feel within, i will gladly do it all over again..
if through crying i can move on, i wish i'll have a day intended for it
if those teardrops i shed signified the end of my chapter with him, i will shout to the world with elation that i cried for him..
love comes..love goes..
if it is not him..it might be someone else..
the journey in finding the right man continues..
i must be excited then..

for dols:
i might have fallen inlove with you..
yes, i might just have..
thanks for adding color to my life..
wherever you are.. i wish you well, really wish you well..

:')

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