A Pact for a Lifetime

Today I gathered enough courage to get back on track.
From now on, I vow to face any challenge head on.
I will never turn away nor find sweet escape from adversities.
I will embrace crossroads as an opportunity to pause and get in touch with myself.
I will discern.
I will listen to where my passion leads me more than
the many rationalizations I and the others can come up with.
I promise to never resort to self-pity as there is a bunch of reasons to be optimistic about life.
I will never run out of reasons to love life and live it to the highest extent possible.
I will revel and celebrate my giftedness and other people’s gift of persons to my life.

Each day, I will welcome the invitation to be a better me.
I will overcome the bitterness within and turn it to be a better energy.
Every waking up, I will remind myself how blessed I am.
I will not let a day pass without exhorting God for all His wonderful deeds.
Today, I submit myself to what is best for me.
I will listen; listen intently to the voice within.
Even how loud the crowd is, I will not mind them for they do not matter as much as what my passion tells me.

Every day is a venue of proving all what I have expressed here.
This is a test that I have to pass for always.
This is meant to make me better and never to shun me from what is essential to life.

Yes! Today, my life REALLY begins.
I will consciouly live my claim that I love life.

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Overflowing

I may have my way on things,
I may have planned my life for the next years,
I may have my own desires and will,
I may have ironed out everything concerning my life..
BUT all those are futile..
When the master planner directs my life where it should heed.
He is all knowing..
I might have wanted the other way but He never ceases to lead me to where the best is in stored for me.
His ways are unfathomable..
He leads me from mourning to rejoicing..
I cannot contend to what He wants for me for all these years He has been consistent,
He has been there through and through..

This world offers endless struggles and challenges;
There are boundless of bliss, possibilities and opportunities..
We should not cease in believing the ideas we envision to realize..
Things happen when we believe and act on it..

Every day, there are miracles around..
Some are too mundane that we do not even bother to notice..
He works His miracles through you, through me..
Acknowledge it and see life beyond what our eyes can see..
Set this world through your heart, through your very being!
Trust His works..
I bet he never knows how to fail us..

Note: I wrote this blog 3-4 years ago and as I browse my files, I came across this. Hmmm, this is a reminder I truly need now. Yes, I JUST HAVE TO TRUST HIM :) Golden Days are coming ahead! :)

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Back to Fuji Maru as an ExPY

I have to take an hour flight to Manila a day before Fuji Maru reaches the bosom of the Philippine port.
On my way to see her, I had mixed of emotions.

I am very happy to see her again after a year and of course very much elated that I will have the opportunity to be with my SSEAYP Batchmates again, only this time we are no longer called PYs butEXPYs. Well I find it rather ironic to be called an EXPY as there is a popular saying amongst PYs that goes: ONCE A PY, ALWAYS A PY. Anyway my radical side was tamed as I come into terms with the tradition; when your journey has ended as a PY, your are automatically an EXPY.

Fuji Maru finally docked. The PYs went out from wherever they were to see the welcome program prepared for them. Down the Ship were the EXPYs, and I am one of them. I waved my hands as I was reliving those sweet memories we have everytime we docked in a Port of Call. Not long, I saw some PPYs whom we have been with in the past months. Seeing them again made me reminisce the times when I was the one on the Ship, one of the JASEAN youths being welcomed.

Few hours more, I and the other EXPYs were enduring the scorching heat of the sun. We were then called to go onboard. Every step on the gangplank was a walk down the memory lane of the flag cheers and all sorts of activities that required passing through it.

After a tight security check, we finally got on board. The door opened. Each of us walked slowly, it's as if we savor every step we take. Funny as it may seem, one common observation was uttered: "Oh, Fuji Maru still smells the same!" Yes, that distinct smell has the capacity to make all those bliss come rushing.

We took the stairs and not the elevator. We want to revisit the places that have been venues for us to forge the kind of bond we all share.

We finally reached a room on the 4th Floor. It feels like it was the first day I got on Fuji Maru. We seemed to have a race on who gets which bed. haha! I chose the upper portion of the double deck as I did not experience sleeping there before.

I heard the bell, a call to meal time. The same tune, the same excitement it brings. What will the menu be?!?

Going around was quite a struggle. It's a deafening silence I must say. Laughter and chats were not heard. The crazy rush in the aisle, the bumping when others are in a hurry, were never a scene. However, empty as it may appear, flashbacks came right on time. At a glance nobody is there, a second after, vivid pictures of noodle parties, SG/DG/Contingent gatherings come at once. Illusions it is. It helped me big time!

I walked some more, this time I went to places I did not pay much attention to before. I regret that I have only seen their beauty now, too late I suppose.

I am very fortunate that I do not have to wait for more than a year to sleep again on board.
I slept for three days in the cabin. The opportunity such as this can be likened to a lotto winning in the perspective of any PY. Yes, everything is almost the same. Had there been any changes, those were too petty to be noticed.

Fastforward:

The Send Off Ceremony is not something new to me. I did not also wonder why I cried for I am a crybaby through and through. However I did not expect that I will cry the hardest this time. A hanky will not suffice; thank you to an EXPY who brought a scarf with him which i used to wipe away my tears.

When ticker tapes were thrown down, tears were gushing non-stop. I might have cried before as a PY but those instances were easily offset by the life on board. However, the story now has a significant twist. There is no life on board to get back to after the hard cry. What's more difficult is - you send them off, look up to the direction where PYs line up in a row to throw those ribbons down; that instance, an EXPY realizes that the journey is over. This time, I am not the one who leaves others behind the port. Now, I am the one left behind in the port. I do not have any idea how it feels like until I experienced it firsthand today.

The Ship sets sail to another country. Fuji Maru gets smaller and smaller. How hard the cry was, that's immaterial. What matters is, how does one get the courage to accept that some things too great do not last forever; surprisingly though - a 53-day journey can change a person for a lifetime :"(


Fuji Maru sets sail to Brunei Darussalam :"(

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An EX-PY's Fears :)

When I learned that the 28 finalists for the 38th SSEAYP have been chosen, my initial response was that I am very excited. Yes, I look forward to meeting all of them!

As the news sink in, I have reckoned that it is not excitement that dominates my system, it was more of my fears. During the training last year, our group promised to be the best senior batch we could ever be to the next PYs, I hope we can live up to our pact :)

What are my fears?
I am afraid that I might share what are just significant to me and not what interest them nor what they ought to know.

I am afraid that I am "too" overwhelmed with our experiences, thereby unconsciously putting at the side what is at present, the current realities or circumstance of the next PYs.

I am afraid that I might spill everything, leaving nothing much for the PYs to discover things on their own.

I am afraid that I might pre-empt the next PYs much of the “SSEAYP experience”, defeating the fact that the next PYs will go through similar experience anyway, only that this time IT IS THEIR OWN SSEAYP JOURNEY.

I am afraid that I might exaggerate or “over” sensationalize my stories, thereby making expectations of the next batch to build up even greater, which could be out of consonance to reality.

I am afraid to convey my expectations and frustrations when I was a PY, as rules for them to strictly follow. And should they raise queries, I might misinterpret it as a question of authority.

I am afraid that I am doing all these because I only love the program, and that I really do not care so much on what the next batch feels, so long as they follow what we have set and told them.



In as much as I want to share my SSEAYP experiences to the next batch, I want to be mindful that I HAD my SSEAYP story, and yes, the next batch will have theirs.

Though we could not afford to have a trial and error approach on everything as some have standard procedures, it is my fervent hope that I may not deprive the new PYs of the beauty that comes out of surprises.

Thus, I pray that I may be sensitive enough to speak when needed, to hold back on things that shouldn't be told, to set aside what did not work, and to share what worked. Most importantly, to explain why I am doing all these – simply because I LOVE THE NEXT PYs AS PERSONS, THE KIND OF WAY I LOVE SSEAYP AS A PROGRAM :)

*i wrote this last June, and i hope i do not act as a "stage Ex-PY" to the new batch now. hehe*

Gambatte!

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Memories with Belguim

with the Ambassador of Belgium to the Philippines -H.E. Mr. Christian MEERSCHMAN and Francoise Orban, Author of the book - Participatory Geographical Information Systems (PGIS) and Land Planning: Life Experiences for People Empowerment and Community Transformation :) *memories in the land of waffles and chocolates were sweetly reminisced again* lovelovelove :))

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