Self and the World

these days, i had ample time to reflect on things, the lot that i go through right now and that of others too

it dawned on me how lucky i am.

i am fortunate enough to spend quiet time to hear loud lessons i have to instill to my very being.

it is true, ms.min2x told me that this isn’t just a trip to search for a job but this is more of a trip to search within.

as days unfold, i get to know much of myself.

i have not liked the way i have spent my life for the past days here, i am harboring negative feelings for i have been living a life of a full-fledged bum.

a lot of my friends told me that i have to enjoy the “stillness” of my world for busy days might be on its way soon and that i’ll miss the kind of easy-going-no-pressure-life i am into now.

i just forced myself to believe on what they suggest.

but looking at the whole picture, there is truth to it.

i have to enjoy the time when i can acknowledge the blessings i have been bestowed.

i have to appreciate the time when i can be attentive to look and listen to what is really within me.

i have to grab the opportunity which allows the flush of insights and realizations to cross my thoughts and lay me a new angle on how to view life in a better way.

it does not follow that since i just see the four corners of the room everyday, i also think just like one who’s been stagnant in a box for the longest time and does know anything about the grandeur outside of it.

i can attest that it is not always the case; though i have started to realize that the more one wanders, the more she has experiences to share.

the world can actually be seen from the box

but the world is far better if you experience it yourself.

in the case of oneself; it’s more meaningful when one learns the art of introspection…

because the more one knows about what is within her, the more she can appreciate what the world offers.

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Overflowing

i may have my way on things,
i may have planned my life for the next years,
i may have my own desires and will,
i may have ironed out everything concerning my life..
but all those are futile when the master planner directs my life where it should heed.
He is all knowing..
i might have wanted the other way but He never ceases to lead me to where the best is.
His ways are unfathomable..
He leads me from mourning to rejoicing..
i cannot contend to what He wants for me,
because all these years He has been consistent, He has been there through and through..
this world offers endless struggles and challenges;
there are boundless bliss, possibilities and opportunities too..
we should not cease in believing with what we envision..
things happen when we believe and act on it..
everyday, there are miracles around..some are too mundane that we do not even bother to notice..
He works His miracles through you, through me..
acknowledge it and see life beyond what our eyes can see..
see this world through your heart, through your very being!
trust His works..
i bet He never knows how to fail us..

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Is It a Must to be Happy?

there will come a time when we question ourselves, “is it a must to be happy?”

usually this is raised when we weigh things concerning our work or relationship


yes, when we think whether we should stay or leave; whether we continue or let go..


reality and practicality set in


fulfilling our dreams is sure way to make us happy but sometimes, we just have to let go of those because where we are seem to be already good.


for some, they are trying to make themselves believe that they are already happy with who they are, what they have and where they are.


it’s there life anyway.

as for me, i am trying to hold on, i am trying to get by with what life hands me.

i am now toying the idea that happiness is not a must afterall.

say when you are working, it doesn’t matter whether you are happy with it or not so long as you know how to be happy with it, then off you go grab it.

most of the time, what matters is the compensation not the level of happiness you have with your work

well i guess happiness will just folllow when you have money.

i cannot believe i am saying this!

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That's Life

We do not always get what we deserve..

let us face it, even how hard we try to do things well, sometimes we do not achieve results that compensate with the efforts we had shed.

there are also instances when we have committed something unintetionally or we might have done things that were back up with the purest of our intentions and it turned out to be 360-degree different from the outcome that we have expected..

it is just disheartening to think deeply of those circumstances..

very heart piercing, so frustrating and more often we feel that we wanted to give in and shun ourselves from the world especially from those people who have betrayed us, from those people who have ruined our dreams, from those people who stripped us from what we have at present, from those people who doubted us, from those people who have accused us falsely, from those who have thought the worst from us, from those people who cannot just be happy for us, from those people who are always keeping track of our downfall..

life has never been fair indeed..

i always hear this passage: "everything happens for a reason"

i agree..

but let me add to that.

there's always a cause for the existence of every single thing and its results always have reasons..

it is just sad to note that most people feel that the lot in life they are going through is not the lot they deserve.. that in the case where one has committed wrong against somebody; the former gets to experience absurd consequences to the nth level as far as the created impact is concerned

yes, again we say..life is unfair! when was life fair anyway?

i mourn for those who cry for experiencing the life they ought not to have.

"life is indeed unfair!"

there are just so many personal experiences that can attest to that..

nevertheless, i do not blame God at all..

for afterall, it has never been his fault..

what we have experienced, what we are experiencing and what we will experience, truly may not be of our full making and those are not the lot we have desired for our very selves but in a way we are partly to be blamed.. and maybe a part of which are the people around..

life goes on.. it ought to be..

and before i end this..

i refute what i used to think and what i usually hear from others that the Almighty or life is unfair..

indeed, God is not at all unfair nor life itself..

i just realized that..

it is us---humans afterall, that make life unfair..

we just contrued life and God to be unfair..

see how unfair we can get?

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In a Snap of a Finger

oh who could have thought that i will get a boyfriend in korea!

actually, the thought of having a boyfriend after graduation has been playing in my mind on my final year in the university

i am really excited back then to get into a relationship.

i have actually set standards though i hate to admit it..

i wanted that my first boyfriend would be my last, that he should be intelligent, he should be active in church or in any organization..and a whole lot more..

it's is crazy to think about those days..

we will surely never know when we will fall in love and with whom..

in love, everything's unpredictable

in my case, though i am looking forward to have a boyfriend,i did not expect this soon, in here, and with a korean..

it is maybe just me who is making a big fuss about this..

before i answered him, the differences in our respective cultures was my primary concern.come to think of it, we are faced with so many differences but just the thought that love can help us pull through all those, i put myself into it.

answering him was one of the hardest decisions in my life..

it is not because i am not into him.. it was not a question of my feelings for him but it is more of my fears..

i am afraid of so many things,

i was so concerned of the feedbacks from other people seeing us together..

i am afraid that the relationship will not last since sooner or later i have to be back in the philipppines..

i am haunted by the thoughts of those standards i set before..

i am afraid to get hurt, i am uncertain if this is worth risking..

it's as if i am thinking that, i am like a businessman who is investing into something that i know will not last anyway..

i was so negative from the start..

nothing has started yet and here i am already thinking of not really good thoughts!!!

talking these concerns with my friends here made it more easier for me to cope..

i have learned that i should give myself a chance to be happy and that for once, i should learn how to set aside those irrational thoughts i have and those concerns regarding others' opinions..

for when i am happy, people always have something to say

and same is true when i am sad.. so why not choose to be happy instead?

loving is the most inspiring and rewarding act

but it can also be the most anxiety-ridden act if we reflect love in a way how others are expecting us to show it to our partner.

we all deserve to be happy and we are capable of creating our own happiness and also we have the capacity to create happiness in others.

i do not know exactly where would this relationship bring me,

i do not want to steal the happiness rightfully deserved by myself for the time-being

i have been thinking so much and sadly those were actually impertinent ones, well infact all i have to do is to love.



to all my friends who saw me giggle, smile, anxious, laugh, cry

thanks a bunch! i love you all and i owe you big time!

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